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How Urban Legends Start
(by Frank!)
Conversation about recess while walking to school.
 C: I wish I got two recesses.
Me: Yeah that would be cool.
C: Well, the first two days we got two recesses but the 3rd and 4th we only got one. We'll prolly only get one today.
Me: Yeah, but one is still fun right?
C: Yeah, but I know a kid who gets 7 recesses!
Me: You know him?
C: Yeah but he isn't from here.
Me: Maybe the Niagara Falls area?
C: I'm not sure, I just know he's not from Austin, Texas. And he gets 7 recesses!
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Boom!
 Yesterday afternoon Christopher bestowed upon me his interpretation of The Worst Tantrum Ever.
(I'm hoping) It was a one-time performance, so I've documented it here for those of you who missed the show.
It had been building - the days at Kindergarten are long and he's not used to getting up so early - with each afternoon a little crabbier than the last. So, I wasn't all that surprised when he finally blew his top yesterday.
Transcript below:
Christopher: I want a snack.
Shelley: What would you like?
C: I want a SNACK!
S: OK, honey, let' see what we have.... (soothingly, sensing major fatigue)
....cereal with milk? Oh wait, I'm sorry, we're out of milk.
C: What? Why did you throw away the MILK?
S: No, you guys finished it off. I'm sorry. would you like some crackers?
C: I want CEREAL! You shouldn't have told me cereal if we didn't have milk. You shouldn't have SAID IT.
S: Well, honey, I'm sorry. I made a mistake. Everyone does. Would you like some cheese?
C: NO! I want a SNACK!
S: Ok. I understand you're mad but you can't yell at me. I'm going to have to turn off the TV if you yell at me again.
C: I WANT a SNACK and you WON'T! GIVE! IT! TO! ME! (kicking ottoman for (unnecessary) emphasis)
S: Ok, hon. Time to turn off the tv for a bit.
C: NO NO NO NO I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY NO NO! DON'T DO IT OR I'LL FIGHT YOU TO THE GROUND!
(shocked pause, then 'click' as the tv goes off, then more shocked silence.)
C: (throws blanket at Shelley and swipes at her)
S: Ok. You need to go to your room for a little while until you're ready to be nice. RIGHT. NOW.
C: NO NO NO I'M NOT GOING (while walking upstairs towards his room) I'M NOT GOING UP THERE AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME (at the top of the stairs walking down the hall) I'M NOT STAYING IN HERE (laying on bed whimpering) !
If I sounded a bit too nice, it's because I could tell that he was absolutely out of control. I actually was almost laughing (inside) at one point, and I really felt badly for him.
After about 10 minutes of alternate whimpering and yelling from his room, he settled down and I let him come down so we could talk about it.
He agreed that he wasn't making the right choices.
The funniest part was when I asked him why he had tried to hit me and he replied that he wasn't trying to hit me; he was just trying to throw the blanket "really hard so you would run away and I could turn the tv back on."
Nice.
Oh, well. We escaped the "terrible" twos unscathed and have had it really easy so far with this kid. The benefit of having his major tantrum at age almost6 instead of 2 is that it's much more verbally interesting for me.
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Yee-haw!
I love living in Austin. I really do. The list of things I love about it is long.
However.
If there's just one thing I could change about it, it might be this:
We don't see these critters too often - maybe a total of 5 or 6 in the seven years we've been in the house. But when we do, the ones inside our house (where like most people we eat, sleep & hang out, mostly with bare feet) are less than an inch long. This guy was about 3 inches long, and the threshold he was about to cross is the one into our bedroom.
Thank goodness Frank went out to the kitchen for that one last drink of water & saw him - and promptly removed him.
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Playing hooky
This morning Christopher decided he was too tired to get up and go to school, so he asked me if he could skip school for the day.
Of course I told him NO (but in a nice way. You know, like "But the police will come and arrest mommy and daddy if you don't go to school!" (Not really. But we might soon if this keeps up.))
So when Frank was walking him to school, Christopher tried to enlist his help: "Why don't we wait till Mom leaves the house and then sneak back home?"
I laughed myself silly over that one but had to wonder why he thought Frank would be a willing co-conspirator. Perhaps I had better supervise them better when they're together.
Fun fact of the day: possible origins of the phrase "playing hooky"
- The Phrase Finder offers a few possible origins, including "to hook it" or "to escape or make off." To "hook something" is also an old slang term for stealing, as in "stealing a day off."
- The Word Detective dates the first printed use of the phrase to 1848 and relates it to the 19th-century phrase "hooky-crooky," which means "dishonest or underhanded." The parent of this phrase is "by hook or by crook," meaning "by any means necessary."
- Word Origins suggests that the phrase comes from hoekje, the Dutch name for hide and seek.
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Did you see the eclipse?
I "forgot" to get up at 4am to see it, but it was still a cool muddy orange when I woke up just before 6. Here's my bad camera shot:
but here's what it really looked like:
I really like stuff like that, but when I asked Frank if he wanted to get up to see it, he said, "I don't think I can."
:)
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What a great day!
The smirk in this picture says it all:
Can you read the note on his shirt? So cute!
Despite the insane gauntlet they forced the children to run yesterday afternoon to get to their waiting parents (I heard later that there were many terrified little 'uns who refused to come out into the madness, bless their little hearts), Christopher came striding out and announced to us (no joke):
"I LOVE Kindergarten!"
and then in the same breath, perhaps not wanting to give us too much:
"Well, maybe 20%."On the way home he told us about recess, lunch, recess, and rest time. And recess. When we asked him who he talked to in the cafeteria and whether it was loud in there, he said that it was quiet because everyone was "pretty much busy eating, not talking." We had to laugh at the image of 4 classes of Kindergarteners in one room together, with the only sound being the chewing of several dozen mouths. Couldn't really picture it, actually.  Oh, and we got Awesome Parent awards twice this afternoon: once when we got chastised for not following the lines of the crosswalk and thus making a bad example for the children, and second when we thought we were being cool by walking Christopher's Razr scooter for him to ride home and he asked us, "Yeah, but where's my helmet?"
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We have liftoff!
It's a go! Christopher was in a great mood this morning, and minus a small amount of grumbling during the walk, went happily into his classroom. Whew!
And I did pretty well, too - only a little bit of misting once Christopher was out of the line of sight. :)
I leave you with some pictures from the start of our day:
 Breakfast of Champions
 Smiling because I'd just busted him sticking his tongue out for the camera.
 Walking to school
 Stepping into the great unknown
 Already having a good time. Yay!! |
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General silliness
2 funny conversations from today I thought I'd share:
Conversation #1:
Christopher: how many people are in the whole world?
Frank: I think about 6 billion.
Christopher: Plus Baby K? (Our close friends' daughter)
Frank: Yes, well, then 6 billion and one.
Conversation #2:
Christopher: Mommy, can you come press this key? (On the computer)
Shelley: This one?
Christopher: Yes. Now, you keep holding down this key right here. (slowly steps away from computer)
Shelley: What are you going to do while I'm doing this?
Christopher: Well, (pronounced "wool") I need a snack.
Doh!
 In case you're wondering, holding down the key in question prevented his game's character from wandering around the screen by constantly banging him against a wall., keeping him basically immobilized.
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Last Hurrah
Yesterday morning we went up to the school to drop off school supplies and sign up for the PTA and other such things. His teacher Mrs B had a great little scavenger hunt set up for the kids, to help them become familiar with the classroom layout. A good time was had by all, and Christopher made a buddy who also happens to sit at his table. He begrudgingly gave us another half-point of excitement, bringing the total to....
let's see...carry the one...
1.5%.
After that, we went to Schlitterbahn with some friends. Christopher, the same boy who'd made me show him the Bahn's website all summer because he was so excited about going, cried before almost every one of the rides.
The first ride had a long ride, so by the time it was our turn, he'd gone through what seemed to be all the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Also, intermittent nervous, hysterical laughing appears to be an extra stage in Christopher's process.
I'm sure you know the ending to the story: he loved every single one of the rides and asked to go on the scariest one (seen in pic) over and over.
I tried subtly to tie this in to the adventure he'll be starting on Monday - things that are new & different often turn out to be great fun! - but he caught on to my sneaky attempt and said that that was only for rides, not school.
However, this morning he told me that I could only hug him before school if I did it outside, not inside the classroom. Despite his insistence to the contrary, I think he's ready.
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T-4 Days
This is Christopher's answer to the request, "Show me your Kindergarten face!"
But last night, he was able to list more good things about Kindergarten than he had fingers to count them on, and only one bad thing: "It's different than what I'm used to."
He tried to count "During naptime, the room will be pitch black" as a negative, but I had to point out that it probably won't be. He was a little bummed he couldn't add more to the Bad column.
After we made the list I asked if he felt a little bit better about Kindergarten. He nodded and said, "Yeah, now I'm probly 1% excited."
Progress. We're making progress.
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Too funny
I'm not sure which is funnier - this?
- or the fact that normally-unselfconscious Frank said he thinks it's a great idea but wouldn't wear it because he doesn't want to look fat? (Can't say I blame him. I'd wear those 57 marathons proudly, too.) :)
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Now that's just SAD
A new poll suggests that 1 in 4 adults didn't read a single book last year. Not one!
(If you're one of them, please note that both Paris Hilton and her incognito astronaut friend are more accomplished connoisseurs of literature than you.)
We live in a nation where more than a third of us are overweight and leading sedentary lifestyles,and we still can't find the time to read?? What the heck are we doing with all that time we're spending not doing anything?
Even Christopher has read 17 books this summer alone, and the boy claims to HATE reading.
Ok. Stepping off now.
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Musical Masterpiece
And an exercise in persistence in the face of adversity (and by adversity I mean "being startled by a friend calling one's name from across a large room".)
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If all the people around you are crazy...
...then suddenly, crazy doesn't seem crazy anymore.
It has occurred to me several times, over the past four years of what should properly be dubbed RUNNING MANIA, that Frank's threshold for insanity has increased exponentially.
It was even more apparent last weekend, when Frank ran two marathons in two days, at altitude, followed by sitting in 40-degree water for 15 minutes until he became numb - in order to avoid next-day leg soreness - with socks on.
And it's spreading. BrotherUncle Scott has also completed ever more difficult running (and ice bath) feats in the last couple of years, and two of them, along with some of our other loony friends, will be running another "Double" in October.
They don't seem to recognize that naming the insanity normalizes it. Or maybe they do. Whatever. All I know is that when their fellow mental patients running buddies ask me how many marathons I've run, and I say "None," they look at me almost with pity. And I start to feel a little guilty, because hey, if they can run 20 marathons in a year, I should be able to do one, right?
Wrong!
Please send help.
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T-9 days
Come on in, honey, the water's fine.
In your almost 6 years on the planet, we've been through a lot of firsts together. Haven't we always told you it'd be ok?
And it has!
I know. You don't like it when things change. You're skeptical about new things. You've always liked things just the way they are.
But once you've gotten used to an idea, you've always looked back with smiling satisfaction.
This will be no different.
And we're going to remind you of this, after all the worrying & doubting is done.
Again.
And one of these times, you're going to believe us.
And hey! If you find yourself worrying that you won't know what to do, where to go, or won't like what's around the corner,
just remember the things that won't change:
You'll always have people who love you (anyone who knows you, I'd venture to say),
Buddies who'll watch out for you,
Those who are good for a hug, day or night,
And people to help guide you along your way.
You're going to have a great time!
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Why Summer Travel is So Much Fun!
and Why I Love to Fly Southwest!
On our trip to Portland last weekend, I used a Southwest 'reward' ticket to get there. And what a reward it was! I only wish I'd had a little notebook or audio recorder to keep track of all the hilarity.
My favorite summer travel tidbits:
- The totally uptight/whiny woman in line behind me who (repeatedly) insisted that since she didn't have luggage to check, she shouldn't be subjected to standing in line with the "idiots" who couldn't work the self check-in machines. She made her boyfriend go check if there was a super secret line just for her (there wasn't) and in the meantime kept cursing about the morons who didn't know how to travel. Of course, when it was her turn she complained loudly that the machines were 'stupid' and could she get someone over there who 'knew what they were doing?!'
- The man who was operating (using the term loosely) the machine next to mine who kept forcefully pushing on the touch-screen and hollering that the goll-durn thing wasn't working. The unbelievably patient Southwest lady leaned over & peered at the screen, and then with a controlled, quiet, friendly smile said gently, "Sir, you're already checked in. It's printing your boarding passes. Please stop hitting the machine."
- The corrals. Southwest Airlines, who probably gets grant funding for psychology experiments in mob behavior, doesn't assign seats. Instead, depending on when you check in, you're assigned an A, B, or C boarding pass, and you just queue up in your assigned corral and then grab a seat whenever you're allowed to. So, this just encourages everyone to stand or sit in front of their corral sign and wait for boarding to begin.
For the (very delayed) flight from Las Vegas to Austin, people were lined up most of the way through the sitting area, and while there was a distinct line, everyone was sitting down because of the long wait. When we finally stood, a woman and her soon-to-be-embarrassed traveling companions scooted into the B line near the beginning. When a man helpfully, politely pointed to the end of the line, she LOUDLY said that our line didn't count because we were all sitting down. Then she looked at people around her for confirmation of her belief, saying, "Right? I'm right, right? This is bullsh**. Sitting down lines don't count." I'm sure she didn't appreciate my giggling.
- My plane's wing ALMOST hitting the ground on takeoff. Apparently when it's 100+ degrees outside, the planes are a bit "sluggish" trying to get off the ground. Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.
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All else aside, the boy's got nice stems
 But if I were you, I wouldn't get used to seeing this post. As soon as Frank sees it, it's a goner....
I would like to point out one interesting thing, though: the shoes ALMOST fit him. One day soon I'll be wearing his castoffs.
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What Book are you?
I found this personality quiz that pegs you as a certain novel after you answer just 6 questions. It's a little bit fun, and I did like the book it chose as me, but some of the questions needed more than 2 options.
Also, here's a not-safe-for-work-or-kids site that lets you macho types disguise the fact that you're reading Harry Potter. My favorites: Terry Normal, and the one by Harold Rollins & Jacob Potter. These won't be funny at all if you haven't ready Harry Potter, or possibly even if you have. If you're shaking your head at my sense of humor I'd just like to refer back to the post entitled, "Yes, I'm Easily Amused."
I'll be posting back-dated entries from our weekend trip to Portland in a bit. I know, it's a bit wanky to do that but I'm going to anyway.
And, we're sending lots of warm, healing thoughts to our friends who had to say goodbye to an old friend this week. Adding this to the end of an otherwise inane posting doesn't diminish its intent & sentiment (or hopefully its reception.)
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Yes, I'm Easily Amused.
Here are a few funny t-shirts i found this morning. If I were into wearing funny t-shirts (or bumper stickers), these would be in my rotation:
An old favorite
I found this one on CafePress while searching for pessimism (I was looking for something with the opposite message but found this one funny anyway)
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Not much going on here today
But yesterday was a whirlwind!
We had to decline a great invitation to join some friends at the dinosaur park out near Bastrop because I needed to spend some time catching up on projects before my new job kicks in.
We did have enough to time meet our friends C & E at Waterloo for some lunch & playscape action, but then on my way home I got a call from a clinic saying that my sister-in-law was there and could I please bring her to the ER? Why, yes, I could.
Long story short: 5 hours in ER; called in reinforcements for Christopher (my parents - thank you!); stomach bug; filled RX and home by 8:30pm. SIL is doing much better today, thanks.
And I? Thanks to Grandma & Grandpa, I had the entire day to catch up on work. This may not sound like fun to you, but in my world it's pretty awesome to have more than 5 straight minutes in a row to think about what I'm doing.
Oh, and I made banana bread, too.
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KidConsumerz
Subtitle: Boy, I wish I'd thought of that.
So we're probably the last people with school-age kids to explore the crazy world of Webkinz.
What's Webkinz, you ask?
Take the craze of the Cabbage Patch doll and export it to the Internet Age. Basically, you 'adopt' these little stuffed animals, and use their enclosed secret code at the the Webkinz site to register them. Once you're logged in, you see a virtual representation of your pet, and you can do all SORTS of things with him.
Much like neopets and other gadgety pets, you have to keep your Webkinz healthy by feeding, exercising and entertaining him. You can also outfit him and his room with furniture, toys, clothes, and a million other things.
Of course, you need money to do these things. Shopping for items for your Webkinz closely resembles a real online shopping experience; you choose the items, put them in your shopping cart, and check out. You start out with a certain amount of KinzCash, and once you've exhausted your funds you can play games to earn more.
It's cool that Christopher has to learn the value of earning (using the term loosely here) rewards and saving up for things. I was sort of interested to see how he prioritized his Webkinz's needs, and had to shake my head & smile that he saved and saved for......
...a big-screen tv for his Webkinz's room. While his Webkinz went hungry and got sick.
But he did display one redeeming nugget of responsibility: when I suggested he go play some more games, to earn money to feed his pet, he asked me, "But you wouldn't leave ME to go shopping if I was sick."
A good point.
It'll be interesting to see how he progresses from here. More conspicuous consumption? Budding nurturing instincts? We'll see!
And don't tell him this, but there's a hidden benefit to the game: he's forced to READ more. ssssshhhhh.
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Anything can be a toy
...which makes me more determined than ever to get rid of the toys he doesn't play with often.
Here we see Christopher playing "The dogs and I were wrongfully imprisoned," a new favorite around here. When it's quiet for more than 30 seconds, I can be pretty sure he and the dogs are in the hoosegow.
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Augustus Gloop, Augustus Gloop...
...the big fat, greedy nincompoop.
We've watched Charlie & the Chocolate Factory (Depp, not Wilder) 3 times in the last 2 weeks. Christopher's been singing the Oompa Loompa Augustus Gloop song pretty much nonstop ever since, and he looks at me like he's getting away with saying a bad word.
The song is pretty catchy, though. Can't get the durn thing out of my head.
For your listening pleasure, you can see the song here, and here's the song in the Russian release of the movie.
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2 years of gymnastics has apparently paid off
This post could just have easily been titled, "Christopher's cracked cranium," but we've been lucky so far.
He's got pretty good hang time, too!
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Proud parenting moment
We had some friends over to dinner for the first time last night. We've known them a few years and have kids the same age, but this is the first time we've gotten together outside of kids activities & parties.
Christopher must've felt VERY comfortable with our new guests, judging from his response to a joke from his buddy's father. Our child couldn't be bothered with a simple, "You're silly!" or even a smiling eye roll.
Nope. He rewarded the man with: "You're full of it."
Many thanks to our friends who handled the situation quite gracefully.
As for Christopher? Well, he certainly doesn't know what one might be full of, and didn't understand at first that it was a very rude thing to say, especially to, say, an adult one has just met, so I'm confident the offense was unintentional.
Knowing that didn't make the moment less awkward, but Christopher's apology did. Whew.
Follow-up note: though I protested at the time that Christopher most definitely had NOT caught the phrase from me, I found myself (laughingly) saying it to him this evening when he was being silly. I busted myself before Frank could say anything, but I still earned a smug smile. I hate it when that happens. :)
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Christopher vs Kindergarten, Round Two
Today I had the brilliant idea of bringing Christopher's school supplies list to Target in the hopes of sparking a little interest in the looming school year.
First he informed me that we didn't need any stuff on that list because he didn't think he needed to go to Kindergarten. After a little while, though, he had fun hunting through the bins for the items on the list. He was a little disappointed when they didn't have any purple pencil boxes, and then downright disgusted when I tried to explain the concept of community school supplies and that the ones we were buying were for all the kids, not just for him alone, so it didn't really matter if we could find a purple one right then. Maybe someone else would buy one that he might get to use sometimes.
Yeah, it was a huge success. Way to go, mom!
And, the score is now:
Christopher: 2
Kindergarten: 0
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Penny wise, pound folish
In theory, I think the new blackle.com site is cool. Why not save a few kilowatts of power when you can? Maybe I'll try to design more websites using black backgrounds.
But I'm sure it makes little difference in a household where, at any given time, at least one computer is running (and putting out CO2) 24/7.
It's sort of like how I am really good about recycling but find myself shaking my head at myself for wasting a ton of water washing out the recyclables, in accordance with the City of Austin's demands guidelines.
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Honey, can't you see that mommy's busy being a rock star right now?
It was 9:30pm. Christopher had already gotten out of bed twice to tell us something IMPORTANT! so he could further stall. He had to get up earlier than he was used to the next morning. He needed his energy for his sports camp.
All these are good reasons to want your child to be in bed.
Add another: because you want just a few minutes to play Guitar Hero with your husband.
Lovely.
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